NEurodiverse Couples

Photo by Roselyn Tirado of a couple holding hands in the midst of painting a room

It can get a little messy building something great

A (Different) Way of Connecting

Relationships can feel complicated for anyone—but when one or both partners are neurodivergent, those challenges often take on new shapes. You may be navigating misunderstandings, sensory differences, different processing speeds, or difficulties around emotional attunement and communication. If you're feeling stuck, you're not alone—and you're not broken.

In my work with neurodiverse couples, I focus on understanding how your brains are wired differently, not deficiently, and how that impacts the way you both show love, experience conflict, and move through the world together.

What is a Neurodiverse Relationship?

A neurodiverse relationship typically involves one partner who is autistic, ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent, and a partner who may or may not be. These relationships often involve a mix of different communication styles, sensory needs, social preferences, and executive functioning abilities.

But neurodiversity isn’t just a challenge—it can also bring creativity, loyalty, deep thinking, and unique ways of connecting. Therapy can help both partners understand each other’s differences with more compassion and clarity.

What We Work On in Therapy

Each couple is different, but some common goals we might focus on include:

  • Building shared language for talking about sensory and emotional needs

  • Repairing communication breakdowns and learning new communication routines

  • Managing executive functioning differences at home and in parenting

  • Addressing intimacy, connection, and affection mismatches

  • Supporting both partners' nervous systems, including around conflict

  • Learning how to name and negotiate differences instead of personalizing them

I also help couples explore the meaning and impact of a late diagnosis or self-discovery, and how that may shift dynamics in the relationship.

Who This Is For

I work with:

  • Couples where one or both partners are autistic, ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent

  • Couples navigating a recent diagnosis or shift in identity

  • Mixed-neurotype relationships feeling the strain of misunderstandings

  • Partners wanting to communicate more clearly and feel more emotionally connected

Whether you’re in crisis, in transition, or just trying to grow together, therapy can be a place to feel seen and supported.

My Approach

As a therapist trained in both neurodiversity-affirming care and relational therapy, I adapt the process to suit each couple's needs. That might mean:

  • Using more structured sessions with visual tools or shared agendas

  • Slowing down conversations and looping back for clarification

  • Supporting both partners without taking sides or framing one as the problem

  • Helping you build a shared “user manual” for your relationship

I don’t believe in cookie-cutter relationship advice. I’ll work with you to build something sustainable, respectful, and attuned to your unique neurotypes.

A Neurodiversity-Affirming Lens

Alongside tools from the Gottman Method, I integrate the ND Compass framework—a neurodiversity-affirming approach that helps couples understand how different neurotypes impact their relationship patterns. This framework centers four key areas of support:

  • Education – We start by building a shared understanding of how autism, ADHD, and other forms of neurodivergence shape communication, sensory experiences, and emotional processing. Many couples find relief in realizing that what looked like resistance or rejection may actually be a difference in how each person thinks, feels, or connects.

  • Niche Creation – Every relationship needs room to function in a way that feels sustainable for both partners. We explore how to create systems, routines, or environments that work for your specific brains—not just trying to fit into a default.

  • Autonomic Nervous System Reset – Neurodivergent partners often live in a state of heightened alert or shutdown. I help couples recognize signs of nervous system dysregulation and learn how to co-create safety—especially in moments of stress, conflict, or overwhelm.

  • Differentiation – Many couples come to therapy with an agenda of converting or convincing their partner. Through a process of differentiation, we hold each person’s autonomy alongside a collective creation called a relationship. We work toward accepting and respecting each person’s individuality—so that both partners can show up with more clarity, compassion, and choice.

This model doesn’t focus on “fixing” either partner. Instead, it offers a roadmap for building connection and workable strategies.