Building Your Emotional Go-Bag
REasonable preparation for neurodivergent people who want to let go of avoidance and hypervigilance
Recently I picked up the 2025 edition of Octavia Butler’s The Parable of the Sower, a dark, post-apocalyptic story about a highly sensitive teen who starts a revolutionary collaborative community. In addition to giving me a little salve of “it could be worse…” the story had built into it a sort of handbook for surviving life in horrible conditions. The protagonist of the novel could be pretending society isn’t falling apart like many of her peers, engaging in destructive reactive behavior like all the violent acts around her, or ruminating herself into endless panic, but she is an outlier in that she focuses first on her values and setting aside a basic plan, including things that she would need to take with her, should things go from bad to worse - her go-bag. Spoiler alert: she ends up needing it, and the basic building blocks within it help her survive until she can band together with others.
If you live in an area prone to earthquakes or wildfires, you might keep a go-bag by the door. The bag doesn’t stop the disaster from happening, but it makes sure that if the worst does come, you won’t be caught empty-handed. You know you have a flashlight, water, radio, cooking tools, important documents, maybe a change of clothes. The bag functions as a form of confidence that you’ll be able to ride out a bad situation.
For many neurodivergent people, everyday life can feel like a constant evasion of potential disasters. What if I have a meltdown in public? What if I say the wrong thing in a social conversation? What if the sensory environment suddenly shifts and I can’t manage it? Hypervigilance becomes a survival strategy. If I can predict every possible difficulty and avoid it, maybe I’ll be safe.
This makes sense, and often it does work in the short term. Avoidance lowers the probability that something will surprise you or catch you off guard. When you constantly scan, it is true that you see more than someone who is resting and focused on being present. But over time, these methods have big costs. Instead of making things easier, it creates a narrow path where you’re constantly scanning for danger and cutting yourself off from opportunities. Hypervigilance also takes a significant physical toll, as I’ve discussed in other blog posts.
The emotional go bag
Just as a physical go-bag won’t stop an earthquake, an emotional go-bag won’t prevent overwhelm, shutdowns, or misunderstandings. But it can change your relationship to them. Instead of needing to block every possible bad thing, you build in the support that can help you trust that you can handle challenges when they happen because you have a little support.
This shift can be powerful. It moves the focus from “I must never let this happen” to “It will probably happen sometimes, and I have ways to respond.” That small change opens up flexibility and reduces the weight of hypervigilance.
What goes in an emotional go-bag?
Your emotional go-bag should be as personal as your needs. Some possibilities include:
Self-soothing items or skills: headphones, sunglasses, fidgets, grounding techniques, or scripts you can repeat to yourself.
Support plan: a trusted person you can text or call, or phrases you can use to let someone know you need space (“I need a break right now”)
Acceptance or emotion surfing skills: reminders from ACT such as “I can allow this feeling to be here,” or “This is hard, and I can handle it.”
Values compass: notes about what matters to you, so that when you get knocked off-course, you remember why you keep showing up even when things are difficult.
Sequences: Step by step guides for most likely challenges, such as what you or others can do in case of a sensory meltdown, or how you might respond if you feel offended.
Parameters: Create a plan with goal posts or limits in terms of time. For example, check in with yourself after 15 minutes and decide if you want to stay 15 more; let people know you have a time that you will need to be back. Communicate any dietary or sensory needs ahead of time.
Recovery plan: Arrange for a buffer time somewhere comfortable after an exertion filled event; locate quiet break areas where you will be spending time.
You may notice that many of these things won’t fit in a physical bag. Think of them like preparations you bring with you. What distinguishes such plans from ruminating or avoiding is that they are finite processes you can write down and execute. For more on this distinction, see this post.
When you carry an emotional go-bag, you no longer need to avoid every unpredictable situation. You can trust that if something goes wrong, you won’t be defenseless. This doesn’t mean life becomes easy, but it does mean you can expand your world instead of shrinking it.
Preparedness is not the same as control. Bad things will still happen. Meltdowns, misunderstandings, or sensory overload are inevitable at times. But when you have a plan, they stop being catastrophes and become challenges you know how to face.
Putting this into practice
You might start by asking yourself:
What situations do I avoid most, because I fear I won’t be able to cope?
What simple tools or reminders could help me through those moments?
Who can I lean on, and how will I reach out to them if I need support?
Over time, your emotional go-bag becomes part of your sense of safety. You don’t have to live in constant hypervigilance, because you know that when the unexpected happens—and it will—you are not helpless.
Autistic life comes with real challenges, and it’s not possible to avoid them all. With an emotional go-bag, you can approach the world with greater flexibility and trust in yourself. Preparedness doesn’t erase the hard parts—it gives you a way to face them with resilience.
